There is Freedom On The Other Side
From Childhood Limitations to Empowering Success: A Journey of Resilience and Transformation
It all began in the town of Paramus, New Jersey; I fondly call it the land of shopping malls because you are never more than 5 minutes from one. It was a time of great prosperity and the birth of the baby boomer generation. All households had between 3 and 12 children. I am 1 of 5. My father is Irish Catholic and an alcoholic. He was employed as a metal lather, the person who installed the rebar wiring to reinforce the buildings in New York City. Eventually, he became the head of the Lathers Union. My mom comes from an Orthodox Jewish family. She was a stay-at-home mom.
My childhood was a happy one. There were always kids playing island tag and hide and seek. Mickey Mantle lived on the block during one season that he played for the Yankees, and he used to play stickball with the kids on the block.
I am an introvert. Most of the time, I was content to sit on the curb with my book and watch the other kids play games, occasionally joining in. My mother used to bring us to the public library for the summer reading program. She would tell my brothers and sister to each take out two books, and on my turn, she said eight. I loved to read. When we arrived home, I would rush to my room to begin reading all eight. When I finished, I would go to my mother and tell her I was bored. She would say, “Go read your books. “I said I already did.” “She said, a bit surprised All 8? Reread them.”
One night at the dinner table, my father asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. I was 6 years old in the first grade. My brother said I want to be a policeman. Another brother said I want to be a fireman. My sister said, 'I want to be a teacher.' I said I want to be the president of the United States. My father became very quiet, looked at me, and said You are not going to be able to do that.
That statement was the source of one of my limiting beliefs that still resurfaces today. I am not going to be able to do that. The belief of imposter syndrome and self-doubt. It is in our childhoods that limiting beliefs are first formed. How many have been told that money doesn’t grow on trees? My mother would say this to me all the time. It created a scarcity mindset.
The reason I’m discussing these limiting beliefs is that they are the thoughts that block us from achieving our success. As you can read, even at the age of six, I had set my goals high. Here’s the truth: when we cling to what’s familiar even if it no longer serves us, we miss the new opportunities in front of us.
My parents divorced when I was 11 years old. My father returned to the Bronx, and my mother, after being a battered woman for 19 years, found a new freedom, joined Parents Without Partners, and went to dances. It didn’t seem like she was home very often between work and her personal life. I stepped up and started taking care of my younger siblings. Cleaning the house and making sure they had lunches for school. I went to a different school than they did, so I woke them up before I went out the door.
Middle school was a time of significant change. The students held sit-ins protesting the quality of the cafeteria food. The girls could now wear pants to school instead of dresses. My brothers started smoking cigarettes, and my older brother started smoking pot. I preferred to join the drum and bugle corps, go roller skating on Friday nights, and attend the occasional canteen dance. I was resilient, always finding a way to overcome the obstacles by finding rides with my friend’s parents.
After succumbing to drugs and alcohol by the time I was 17 years old, I had become a full-blown alcoholic and drug addict. I was just numb. Living a life of uncertainty. All my dreams went to the wayside. I no longer cared about life. I married at 20 years old to a guy who was passing through town working as a lineman putting in the cable wire. He was going to save me. The following year, I gave birth to a daughter, and when she was 2 years old, he left to go to a bachelor party in Boston and never came back.
At 28, I married my second husband, also an alcoholic and drug addict. I loved him. After 2 years of marriage, I gave birth to a son. This was the happiest time in my life thus far. He was a functional alcoholic and provided very nicely for the family. He adopted my daughter. Life was good. At 32, I decided to stop drinking. It was getting too much for me. He lost his drinking partner. We stayed together for six more years after that, but the recession of the early 90s left us with no more money, and the marriage ended in divorce. I completed my Associate's degree in Legal Services and secured employment with an attorney, where I handled real estate transactions for the bank. It didn’t pay very much, so I also took part-time employment working for a caterer on the weekends. I never received alimony, and his child support barely paid the rent. Eventually, I took employment at the Courthouse as the matrimonial clerk doing the motion calendar. This position paid even less, but the benefits were good.
I was shopping at church food pantries most of the time for food, and applying to churches to help me pay the bills. I was drowning in debt. One night, upon arriving home with a box of food, my son reached into the box and pulled out Oreo cookies, held them in the air, and screamed in celebration COOKIES! As I watched him, my heart broke. I can't even afford to buy cookies for my kids. I surrendered to life on life's terms.
The next day, I walked into work up to the job board. What job here pays the most money? Ah, Probation Officer. What do I need to do to get that position? Ah, another degree. How am I going to do that? A little bit of research, I found a distance learning School, Thomas Edison. I scheduled an appointment with a counselor who worked with single mothers, and showed her what I wanted to do. She provided me with applications for scholarships. I earned most of the ones I applied for and paid for my entire college education.
In 2001, I graduated with a Bachelor's in Human Services, specializing in Legal Services, and became a Probation Officer. The next goal I set was to become a Drug Court probation officer. This was a new pilot program that had not been rolled out in every county. When the opportunity arose, I had already informed the relevant authorities that I was interested in the position. I approached the role as that of a coach. Helping them set goals, create routines, and guiding them to stay on track. I started a non-profit organization in the role of advisor called the Sussex County Drug Court Alumni. I used this program to coach the participants of the Drug Court program to gain life skills and enhance their recovery. One tool I used was a community garden to teach them to be of service. Proceeds were given to the single mothers in the program and the local soup kitchens/food banks. This garden served as my master's graduate project.
When the Governor of our state stopped giving government workers raises, I needed to offset my income. At this time, I returned to school, getting accepted at Harvard Extension School for a degree in Sustainability. This would enable me to secure part-time employment that was in alignment with the Code of Conduct that governed outside employment. I graduated at 60 years old with my master's degree.
When it was time to retire, I was not done. I wanted to continue to coach. I started my own business, coaching women to navigate life transitions, including divorce, career changes, and relocating to another city. I teach/coach them to reclaim their identity, create a daily structure, master the inner critic (limiting beliefs), set boundaries, simplify to clarify (surrender and letting go), and how to win their day. I know from experience that when you do these six things, you will know a new freedom and a new happiness. You will trust that life will meet you where you are. As a coach, I come alongside you and help to calm the chaos, organize the confusion, so you can confidently step into your next chapter knowing that it will be 100% better than the one you are leaving behind.
About The Author:
Mindy Geary is a Full Focus Certified Coach, Speaker, and mentor for professional women navigating midlife transitions. Drawing from 24 years as a Senior Probation Officer and her own journey through divorce and re-invention, she helps women calm the chaos, overcome limiting beliefs, and design a life they truly love.
Mindy holds a master’s degree from Harvard University Extension School and is passionate about guiding women to step into their next chapter with confidence, freedom, and purpose.
Ready to let go of what’s holding you back and step into your next chapter? Connect with her on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram. Schedule a Free 60-minute call at mindy-geary.squarespace.com, and while you're there, download our free PDF, “5 Steps To Regain Control Of Your Life and Achieve Your Dreams.”
